Preparing for baby...

As my due date approaches (August 24th) I am flooded with emotions about the coming experience. I feel excitement, I feel such a strong sense of womanhood, and I feel a bit nervous.
When I was pregnant with Beckham I knew I wanted a natural birth but I doubted whether or not I would be able to do it. I expected to be in so much pain that all I would be able to think about was getting the epidural. I was so wrong. My labor was so calm and easy going. I never felt the need to scream or cry, I felt in control and so serene. I was able to ease into the pushing stage in the birthing tub, which was so relaxing for me! So much that they actually made me get out!
But, I am aware that each birth can be so different! Beckham was so slow and steady coming out, I pushed for two hours which sounds bad but it was so calm and peaceful. My body really handles pregnancy and birth well, before I ever went into real labor with Beckham I was dilated to a 3 1/2 and was %90 effaced! I  know that second babies can sometimes come much faster than your first and I am a bit nervous to have this baby come too fast! I don't want to push a baby out in seven minutes like some women! That sounds intense! I am so looking forward to bringing this baby to the earth though! However fast or slow he may come it will be so beautiful and a once in a life time experience - literally! But I do have my fears...

So as my due date approaches I am slowly trying to unfold all of the fear I have and embrace this babies journey, whatever it may be. I think that the more fear a person has going into labor and birth the harder your labor is bound to be. Fear and pain don't mix well, a pain tolerance can be shot to nothing if you are wound up too tightly in fear. Call me crazy, but pain is so mental. I don't think birth has to be excruciatingly painful like they portray in the movies! As birth has moved into the hospitals over the last 80 or so years it has become something much more "scary" than it needs to be. In my opinion hospitals are what made birth scary for most of the world...standard episiotomies and forceps? Standard pitocen and catheterization? No wonder most women approach birth thinking "Yes, I want to numb this process please!". I am glad to hear that America is slowly moving past episiotimies and forceps. And I feel SO blessed to have a hospital nearby like the Ashland Hospital where I was free to labor how I wanted. They didn't request that I stay in bed, they let me use a shower during labor, a birthing ball, they let me walk around the birth center for as long as I wanted to! I was offered a Doula (birth coach & help) at no additional charge to me (the hospital considers it a form of insurance for them because statistics show that births with Doulas present go smoother) I even had the option to birth in the birthing tub! I could go on and on about this subject but all I will say is that if you are  dissatisfied with what typical hospital births have become then you should watch 'The Business of Being Born' it's available on Netflix. I've also been reading a great book called 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth' and I highly suggest it!

 I remember with Beckham I journaled a lot before he was born and I googled and researched about natural childbirth and read birth stories from many different women! Educating myself really helped reduce my fear about birth. I once heard a quote "If you don't know your options, you don't have any" which is so true!

Giving birth is amazing! I'm not saying it's a walk in the park, it is challenging but it's something we are so divinely designed for and something most women only get to experience a handful of times in their life. It is empowering, breath taking and life changing! There is pain involved, but is that not the best kind of pain a person can experience! The giving of life? *This pain can be so different for every woman. Birth wasn't nearly as painful as I was told it would be! There were stages of my labor and birth that were more uncomfortable than others but It wasn't an experience that was all about pain. For me it was a lot about learning about myself and my limitations and surrendering to an experience that is so much larger than myself, it was such an inward journey. In my humble opinion, raising children is more painful than birthing them! When we become parents we subject ourselves to years of passionate and heart straining emotion. Good and bad. There is a quote that I think says it exactly...

" Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

People think birth is scary but parenting is the real ride! I can't imagine going through what I put my parents through growing up yet I choose to take part in this wild world of child rearing!

I have been all over the place in this post so if you're still reading - thank you for caring. In closing I will say that I'm so looking forward to bringing this baby out into the world. I'm excited to work with my mind and my body to do something so spectacular and breath taking! I'm excited to go deep into myself to bring this baby forth. I'm excited to grow closer to my husband through bringing another child to the earth and working through labor together. I'm excited for my family and my heart to grow. I'm excited to be blessed with one of God's precious children that I get the privilege of raising. -R

If you are interested in learning more about natural childbirth here are some resources I recommend:

birthwithoutfearblog.com

The documentary 'The Business of Being Born' (there are 2 movies)

The documentary 'Birth Story' by Ina May Gaskin

The book 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth'

The book 'Spiritual Midwifery'

The book 'Birthing from within'

A Memorable Mother's Day

This was one of the best days, and it just happens to be Mother's Day. It wasn't special because I got any nice gifts, cards or flowers. In fact, we celebrated last night with take out Thai Food which was to die for! Pumpkin curry and eggplant "something" is a new favorite for this mama! 

Today was special for me because even though Beckham was sick with the flu which made us have to leave church in a hurry, leaving a trail of throw up down the hall way and many more puking episodes once we got home. It was special because through all of that, Jeremy, Beckham and I shared laughs, snuggles and sweet moments all throughout the day! I am so grateful for the humor that sometimes buffers those harder moments in life! It was a quiet day, spent mostly in the living room with movies, blankets, snacks (for Jeremy and I) and a throw up bowl for Beckham. We snuggled and enjoyed our sleepy babe who was so lethargic yet tender and affectionate in his brief moments of wakefulness. It was almost like having a newborn, which reminded me that in a few short months it will no longer be just Beckham anymore. The bond and experiences you journey through with your first child are so special. Of course I don't know what the journey with my second child will be like but there's something special about just the three of us and a lot of times just the two of us :-) 

To Beckham: As I gear up emotionally for the entrance of our second son, your brother, into our family it breaks my heart a little to think that the wee hours of the morning will no longer be spent having special "Mommy & Beckham" time. With you laying across my chest with your face nuzzled in my neck as you fall back to sleep for a few more minutes. I will miss giving you all of my attention. Although we will all be overjoyed to meet your brother, I am sad that this heart of mine which is so spilling over with love and admiration for you will have to share that love with another sweet soul. It's bittersweet. 

Things I want to remember about YOU, my Beckham right now (15 mos, 3 weeks):

Your adorable bow-legged little man walk!

Your chubby little naked body.

All your sweet little sign language talk.

How you are so 'matter of fact' in all your little actions and expressions. 

The way you solo dance, you hold your arms like you're ballroom dancing with a girl, while bending your legs and bouncing up and down.

The way you sing, "da-da-da, ya-ya-ya" 

How you say "IIII CHEE!!!" and have for quite some time and I have no idea what it means, I'm convinced you made it up!

Your aggressive love for our cat, Poppy. 

Your kisses, you always hum as you lean in for a smooch and you LOVE Eskimo kisses!

The way you spontaneously grab my face with both hands like you're having a love attack and you scream "AHHHHHHHH" with wide eyes and a big smile on your face then you bury your head in my neck. 

How you sit down in a quiet place with a book (without any instruction from me) and sit content babbling and pointing at the pictures. 

The way you are so excited to help me with any task! Throwing away your diapers and helping in the garden are your favorites right now! You work by my side with your mini shovel and carefully spoon the dirt from one garden bed to another with your hands..you help me weed out the rocks from the soil. 

Every time we walk by the picture of Jesus in our house you say "Jss-sss" and whenever you see the temple pictures in our home you sing "ya-ya-ya" because you love the primary song "I love to see the temple" 

I love the way you clap, innocently pick your nose, fall to sleep and your amazing expressions. 

And a person hasn't lived until they've seen you lift up your arms and flex so hard your face turns red showing us how strong you are!

You are an amazing little boy and I am blessed to be your mom! I always thought motherhood was my calling but now I know it was not just motherhood, but being YOUR mother is what I've always been meant for. Thank You for such a wonderful wonderful gift, I Love You!

Ahh Spring!

I am finally making it back here where I've had the intention of posting for the past month! We have been in our new house for just about three months now! We finally painted and hung pictures in one of the living rooms but have yet to decorate the rest of the house! Alas! However I am very proud to say that we have dug up a good area for our garden plot! Yes, dug, as in we used a shovel and a ho and one of those things that turns the soil. A hand tiller? It was hard work but fun work! Beckham and the Day Care kids played in the backyard in the sun and picnicked on a blanket in the grass while I worked on the garden! Jeremy helped after work. Now we just have to mix in some things to make our soil a bit more rich and then begin planting! I'm especially excited about the corn, kale, spinach, squash (we love barbecuing squash in the summer!) and strawberries OH and the cherry tomatoes. I've always hated cherry tomatoes but last year a friend planted some Sun Gold cherry tomatoes and oh my heck! They were to die for! Pictures coming soon on the Garden!
Beckham is 14 months and 3 weeks old! He started walking just in these last two weeks! He's really cruising now! It's so fun to watch him try to keep his balance! He sticks his bum out and walks real fast till he finally falls over! For the most part he can cruise all over the house but he still falls sometimes. He loves any kind of furry animal right now, he is always doing sign language for "Dog" when he sees any kind of furry animal. Its really cute! He is now signing: Grandpa, Dog, Please, More, Food, Banana, and a few others. He says please for everything, It's precious!
We can't believe this second pregnancy is already half way through! On April Fourth we found out we are indeed having another Little Boy! I totally had a feeling it would be a boy! In fact I've been telling Jeremy the gender order of our children for a while now and I think he's finally starting to believe me! For a while now I've thought we would have our kids in this order: Boy, Boy, Girl, Boy. We're half way there! We'll see if I'm right about the rest of our little babes!
Some have made comments to us like, "oh...ANOTHER boy" and I know that it would seem more exciting momentarily to find out we were having a girl, and that it would be something completely new; pink, bows, precious dresses and leg warmers! But I am SO excited to meet this child! He is my son, and he is the only one of him that there will ever be! He will be another boy, but he will be a different boy. And getting a feel for his spirit kicking and tumbling inside of me gets me so excited to meet him face to face, bosom to bosom! I'm so looking forward to another BABY, a warm, fragile bundle that yawns, coo's and cries innocently rather than manipulatively! Poopy diapers that don't stink! I'm a little bit worried about what this ones sleeping habits will look like because Beckham insisted on being nursed to sleep and once asleep I had to stay in bed with him to keep him asleep. Even in the hospital, he didn't go into "recovery sleep" like the nurses said he probably would. He woke every hour wanting to be nursed! But I have more experience now and will be busier and wont be able to nap with this baby every two hours so I'm sure we will all adapt! That's what this parenting thing is all about, right? So excited to meet our son, can't believe August 24th is just a summer away!

A profile pic of our sweet baby boy!

Personally, I've always found these 3D pics a little creepy, but he's just so cute I had to post it! Love that nose!

My enthusiastic garden helper!

A sweet pic during spring break.

Eagerly waiting to find out the gender of our new baby

Thanks for reading!

-R

A New Year & New beginnings!

Okay, I've finally found a moment to update here...SO much has happened since the New Year! We have moved into our new home that we bought, a little scary, a bit over whelming but overall very exciting for us to get out of our 900 sq ft, one bedroom apartment. I will admit, I miss our apartment dearly sometimes! So many sweet memories were made there, bringing home our first child to that apartment and all the experiences we've had with him thus far have been there in that little home! Needless to say, I balled as Jeremy and I held hands and walked through our first home one last time and said goodbye. I actually think I said "Goodbye, I love you" while my awesome husband said something like "Good reddens ya sardine can!".  Funny thing is, four months after we moved into that apartment I told Jeremy, "okay we are only going to live here for a year TOPS because it is way too small for us and I have no space to put anything!!!" I hated it at first, but we ended up there for two years and I slowly made a bond I suppose.

Our new place is a lovely three bedroom, two bath, 1338 sq ft home, one level with a great front and back yard. The biggest most beautiful tree on the block is in our front yard and I envision hanging a tire swing and my kids climbing and playing and making memories. I haven't fallen in love with the neighborhood yet, we have been quiet hermits and haven't introduced ourselves to our neighbors. BUT on our first stroller adventure Beckham and I discovered a neat little alley way at the corner of our circle that leads into a huge open field great for Frisbee or football with paved pathways for a bike or stroller. It's basically the back yard to the Elementary schools field so the play ground is there too. It's enclosed, but we may have to figure something out ;-). I think having that alley way there is my favorite thing about the neighborhood so far.
I still haven't painted the house and I'm still waiting for it to smell like us but we are slowly making this our home!

Yesterday on the twenty first was our little boy's first birthday! Beckham Eugene is One Year OLD! I really cant believe how fast the time goes by when those little ones finally arrive! My pregnancy seemed so long, and our first year with baby went by in a flash! This morning at five AM after trying to put B back to bed with a bottle (Yes he is weaned and we managed to do so somewhat gracefully) after the bottle he still wouldn't go back to bed so I brought him to bed with us. It was so cute, he laid still with his head on my pillow for twenty minutes and talked gibberish to us while we trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep! Finally his blessed dad got up and rocked him back to sleep and he's currently snuggled up in our bed. He gives me warm fuzzies inside!

And finally, I am a tad reluctant to announce that we are pregnant with our second baby! I am only four or five weeks...I think...I honestly have no idea because I've only had one period since Beckham was born and that was three months ago so a trip to the doctor is in our future, a few times over I think :-) We were trying to keep it a secret until I was further along but we told our family and then SOMEHOW the word got out! I wonder how that happened...that's okay we are totally thrilled. Even with the nausea and drastic mood swings I am on cloud nine and Jeremy is beside himself with excitement! He is very much hoping for a girl! I had a dream it was a girl, but I've always always thought that I would have two boys and then a girl followed by another boy. We'll see...
So...life has been nothing short of exciting and exhausting lately! I am discovering that I need to lower my expectations of myself. I cant grow a human being, watch my two day care kids for nine hours a day plus my son (which entails a lot to say the least) while managing to get the laundry and the dishes clean, make dinner, keep house tidy, decorate our stark house and at the end of the day NOT want to pull my hair out, verbally abuse my husband and crawl into a dark and quiet place.
So last night I lit a candle, took a bath, got out my journal and decided I am ready for some transformation. I need to shed some of this dark angry energy and reduce my expectations of what I 'should' get done each day. I had a very thoughtful evening and decided I need to go back to simplicity, whatever that means, and however I get there I am taking that road! The house might not be spotless at the end of the day and Beckham might be in his pajamas until two pm but at least I will have my sanity and a smile...most days. I'm also going to try my darnedest to fit in some me time. Read a book, leave B with Jeremy in the living room for an hour while I go to our room and journal, Take myself to a palates class at the church where the kids can run around in the gym supervised. Whenever I have a melt down in life I try to break everything down and look at some basics. 1. Am I getting any me time? 2. Am I getting outside enough? 3. Am I getting enough rest and eating right? 4. Am I connecting with other people that aren't children? 5. Am I connecting with God?  For me these are some of the MOST important things! Happy momma & wife, happy family & life! More than a pretty house or nice hair and makeup, I need to maintain a happy life.
Thanks for reading my novel, now for some pictures!

Our baby boy right after he was born!

Our baby boy on his One Year Birthday!

The sign of another baby to come :-)